What Is a Codependency Disorder?
Codependency disorder can be defined as an inappropriate or excessive preoccupation with another person’s life, thoughts, feelings, and problems. Codependency disorder can also be viewed as a compulsive need to be close to another person, perhaps as their caretaker or their muse. Many relationships that are labeled “codependent” may not actually be — rather, the […]
Codependency disorder can be defined as an inappropriate or excessive preoccupation with another person’s life, thoughts, feelings, and problems. Codependency disorder can also be viewed as a compulsive need to be close to another person, perhaps as their caretaker or their muse. Many relationships that are labeled “codependent” may not actually be — rather, the person is behaving in a way that others may perceive as “clingy” or needing attention all the time. According to the National Library of Medicine, codependency stems from a chemical reaction in the brain that literally causes the need for another person. This process is similar to the way that a drug or addictive substance changes a person’s brain to need more of it, creating the cycle of addiction.
Traits and Misconceptions of Codependent Relationships
It can be difficult to hear that a relationship is overly codependent, but many will know that something is not right before they hear it. There are many types of relationships that can easily turn codependent and be detrimental for those involved. According to research published in Addiction & Health, personality traits and the toxicity of a relationship can greatly influence whether traits of codependency also exist in that relationship.- Romantic Relationships: Codependent romantic relationships are characterized by a compulsive need to be near each other. In some cases, a romantic partner may control the other’s movements through dishonest means or make them feel that they might still be unloved. A person may change aspects of themselves to fit with the other person or make them happy, not taking into account that they are not being themselves. This may be a toxic relationship rather than codependency disorder. Romantic relationships should exist with honesty and respect for each party. Everyone deserves a relationship where they are allowed to be their true selves.
- Parent-Child Relationships: A codependent parent-child relationship can arise out of love, but feeling closeness to a parent or child is not codependency. Again, codependency is the obsessive fixation on another person. A young codependent child may constantly feel the need to be close or touch their parents, where older codependent children will never want to leave to be with peers or feel confident making their own decisions. Other codependency issues could stem from a child misbehaving when their parent is not around or being intensely frightened.
- Child-Child Relationships: Much like a parent-child codependency issue, child-child issues often stem from early childhood when children bond together for comfort, safety, and love. Often, these children do not feel like they are getting comfort, safety, and love from their parents or caretakers, so they rely on each other. When these children reach adulthood, their past behavior can create problems and even child-like reactive attachment symptoms.
- Friend Relationships: Codependency between friends is rare, but may be caused by shared childhood experiences or, again, the need to seek comfort, safety, and love from each other. Codependency between friends often causes issues when the friends begin new relationships, move, and/or have children.
